3) A is for... Age of Wonders 2

The challenge: To play through each of the games on my Steam library.
The rules: I have to play at least 1 hour of each game, in alphabetical order.

Age of Wonders 2 seemed to crash less than Age of Wonders 1, but that's the only reason I preferred it. Whilst I could forgive AoW1 for being a bit ugly and rough, AoW2 seemed to embrace it's early 2000's aesthetic. I'm convinced the entire budget of AoW2 was spent on particle effects, as there's one for basically every situation. Spells? Particles. A unit dies? It turns into particles. Found a new point of interest? It's highlighted by, yes, particles.



The plot for this one seems worse too - the intro shows white male protag (tm) sailing on an airship, which gets attacked by some pretty rad looking dragons (who breathe red particles). The guy (called Merlin) falls into the sea and then is told by a wizard (who really should have been called Merlin) that he needs to reclaim all of the different elements of magic as the other wizards are being naughty or something? Apparently only a human can do this.

Anyway, the first element Merlin needs to claim is fire, and fire is the realm of the cats. Kickass tiger men who themselves ride tigers, and specialize in fire. I don't know what other races are in this game as I didn't play past the first scenario, but I guarantee that the fire cats are the raddest. I wish I could have played as the fire cats.

People pay good money to go to places crawling with cats nowadays

I tromped around the map a bit, killing various types of cat people and eventually took over a castle. When I sent my heroes off to go and fight other things, a tiny unit of cat men snuck in through the wilderness surrounding my fort and claimed it, apparently just by standing on it. This is the worst part of AoW2; you have to leave units on literally every piece of property you gain (and there are a lot) otherwise the enemy units just walk around in circles claiming your buildings. AoW-land has very strong squatters rights, apparently.

I knew I was only going to play an hour, so I pushed on with my heroes, finding secret Elven groves and a lone pirate who decided he wanted to join my party. The exploration in this game is pretty fun, but most excitingly I found that when Merlin dies, he floats into the sky in a hilarious 'T pose', borne aloft by divine white particles.

I eventually found the stronghold of Yaka, who is the wizard leader of the fire cats. I think they named him after the noise they make when coughing up hairballs. Anyway, the fight looked pretty even so I jumped right in. Every single unit on the enemy side targeted Merlin, from a vast range, and killed him on turn two. Apparently when Merlin dies you instantly lose the fight, despite all of your allies still being ready to go. Also, because a single cat man had snuck around and taken my castle single-handedly, Merlin had nowhere to respawn, and so it was game over.

This is Yaka, and he has the best minions

I think if you had way more patience than me you could learn to enjoy this game. The tactical combat is solid if a bit cheesy at times, and I like the idea of gaining a different element of magic throughout each chapter of the game. Sadly, the incredible amount of time I think it would take to play this game properly has really put me off, and I can't see me revisiting it (despite my partner's protests of 'It's actually a good game!'. AoW2, for me, is going in the BG folder.



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